1. Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were
inscribed:"The Gates of Heaven".  Below that was a small cardboard sign
which read : "Please use other entrance".

2.  Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the 1st Presbyterian Church
of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was. "Lord,
please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

3. A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas
cards. "What denomination?' asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we
come to this?" said the woman.  "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic
ones."

4. During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg ask the
children what "Amen" means.  A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means
that-tha-tha-that's all 'folks"

5. A student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order.
His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7"

6. I was at the beach with my children when my 4 yr. son ran up to
me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay
dead in the sand.  "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. 
"He died and went to Heaven,"  I replied.  My son thought a moment and then
said, "And God threw him back down?"

7. Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip, tells
of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy
said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"  I said, "God tells me."
Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"
(Looks like the basis for a sermon to me.)

8. After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I
grow up, I am going to give you some money."  "Well, thank you," the
pastor replied, "but why?"  "Because my daddy says you're one of the
poorest preachers we've ever had."

9.  My wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table she 
turned to our 6 yr. old daughter and said,"  Would you like to say the
blessing?" " I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.  "Just say what you
hear Mommy say," my wife said.  Our daughter bowed her head and said,
"Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"